Oh Doorknob, Why Must You Be Sooo Damn Sticky?
Yes, this entire post is dedicated entirely towards my hatred of sticky doorknobs.
99.9% of all people residing on this little blue ball in space have used or will eventually use a doorknob to open a door, and a completely accurate number of 99.88% of all people will inevitably touch, hold, twist or lick a doorknob that has been smothered in some kind of unidentified substance of the sticky variety.
Honestly, doorknobs themselves are pretty damn nasty even without stickiness, with all of those free-loving germs and bacteria roaming about like a hybrid between hippies and pirates belonging to an unknown brotherhood, the very fact that the knob is sticky just adds insult to injury. The simple act of touching something sticky on an object that your brain normally recognizes as being smooth causes an eerie feeling of dread and unending horror, likely followed by vomiting of blood and bile into your neighbors kitchen sink. (or is that just me?)
So, I urge all of my 10 readers to spread the sticky-knob awareness program to as many people as you possibly can. No more shall we encounter the nightmare of a sticky doorknob. CLEAN THEM NOW! START THE KNOB REVOLUTION!
Now, back to reality I go.